Marzipan Pig

please, God, let the election be over

I have eaten a cheeseburger, fries, six "fun-size" chocolate bars, a handful of chocolate chip cookies, six more candy bars, and a can of crushed pineapple already today and it's not even quitting time yet.

Have I already mentioned that I am a stress eater?

At this rate, I will die of renal failure before our new president takes the oath of office.

the fuzzbutt has better hair products than me

Because the doggie has high-maintenance skincare needs, we cannot use the shampoo I recklessly purchased for her - based entirely on its delightful bergamot and green tea scent- the first week we brought her home. She has to use some boring, non-scented hypoallergenic shit instead. Boooooring.

Because I hate to waste stuff and am a cheapo (the impulse-buy dog shampoo was more expensive than mine and I use Aveda products so when I say "sticker-shock," people, I am not exaggerating) and because the dog's shampoo smells so good, I decided to use it today instead of my usual stuff.

I swear my hair looks ten times, no a HUNDRED times better today. Must be the bergamot...

the fuzzbutt is an escape artist

She managed to:

1) Jump over the shorter gate. So we bought a taller one.

2) Jump over the taller gate by using the futon as a launching pad.

3) Break her way out by pushing one side of the taller gate out of the doorframe when we tried to outsmart her by stacking two gates to create a five-foot-high wall of puppy-gate.

The cats were pissed.